An Emotional Evening

Good Evening,

Had a somewhat productive day at work, but caught myself dozing off a couple of times. I need to pull out my C-pap machine and start sleeping with it to see if that helps.  I also need to have my iron levels checked to be on the safe side.

After work, I picked up Victoria and we headed to the East Valley to have dinner at Blue Wasabi... main reason was because we wanted to see Brie and Josh. They used to be a couple but as time goes by they grew apart and now he is dating a girl that is the complete opposite of Brie and I am not quite sure he is truly happy. She is one of those psycho, jealous drama-filled girls and to top it off she is a mutt! I am sorry to be so crass about someone...BUt it's out there. Her personality is something to be desired and she exudes BIATCH! Oh well... Josh is like a son to me or a nephew and as most people who know me... I get a bit protective of my loved ones. I detest the person who hurts someone I love in any way, shape or form.  That is just me.

Anyway, by the time we left and headed to the car, Victoria started getting very pouty and next thing I know...huge crocodile tears streaming down her face and this went on for over an hour til I got her back to her dad's house. We talked but no matter what I said and how I said it...it did not comfort her. I stopped and got her an Oreo shake from Jack in the Box. Then we sat in his driveway for near 20 minutes holding/cooching her and listening to her cry and tell me how it's not fair that her stepsisters get to have their mom day in and day out but she doesn't. She wants her mom.  I stood strong and did not let her see how that affected me. Finally I walked to her the door and had her father come out and let him know how emotional she has been for over an hour.  I told him to coochie her more and give her more attention.

You know when I bought her that shake, I cannot begin to tell you how badly I wanted one too! NOT because I craved it, but because I was reacting to her emotions and my own....I historically go to food for comfort. Alas I did not buy it. But driving home I had to analyze why I wanted that damned poison in the first place. I figured it out and worked myself through it. Well sorta...went home and had a small vodka and lemonade. Came out to the backyard with my drink and my computer and now blogging.
Listening to the water fountain, crickets and the dogs next door. And when I look up above me, there is the moon in all her bright glory and almost full. It's actually quite peaceful. Allowing me the opportunity to hear my thoughts and get them down on screen. I was going to say down on paper...but who are we kidding here! Shows our age for sure!

I am feeling really bad about not being there for her when she needs me. What she would ultimately love is to have both her parents together, but that's not going to happen. I don't blame her I understand missing a parent(s).  So the best thing I could come up with now is to visit her after I get off of work for a few minutes each day. You know what's killing me too?!... The fact that she told me her stepmom doesn't  coochie with her. Dad gives her a kiss and a hug and then that's it. I can appreciate not having the same feelings for someone else's daughter as to your own, but really?!

The tough thing now too is that her dad wants her to live with him for a year or two. HE doesn't want her bouncing around. Sure that sucks, but us kids lived with a parent in the military and we adjusted to all the moves. The only thing I can think of is to try to move into the area she lives in, but I cannot see me doing that.

Oh the things we put ourselves through.  Well that will be enough for tonight. My eyelids are heavy and I am ready to head upstairs and turn on the TV for the first time this week.

Peace and love to you all!